Tell me how to deal with this!

Hello - could do with some useful advice/opinions. I've met this guy - he is 9 years older than me. I'm 29 and he is 38. We met at work, but he has since left the department and organisation and works elsewhere. Whilst he was there, my colleagues commented on the fact that we had a natural rapport and there were sparks. He was also very shy and others also said how different he was with me compared to with other staff members. Anyway, whilst he was there he would say things via email about how he was lost without me, when I took annual leave, how the office would be in mourning until my return, when I had had a bad night's sleep, he'd say he wished he could look as good as me on so little sleep. On his last day, I took him home and before he got out of the car he gave me a huge hug and said we'd definitely keep in touch and he would look forward to seeing me in a couple of weeks. Anyway, he left the team and we decided to keep in touch. We went out for dinner and for a drink and another colleague came along. We chatted away, and when my colleague was away from the table, he relaxed and was really animated and seemed happy to be chatting to me alone. Anyway, at the time I was in a relationship. A long story, but that relationship is now over. He asked my friend whether my then boyfriend was on holiday, she said he was and he said he couldn't understand why somebody could treat me like that (won't go into it) and wondered what I saw in him.... That night I took him home and again we chatted for hours. Before he got out of the car, he asked whether we could do it again, which I said of course. Since that night, we've been emailing and texting one another a lot. Anyway, out of the blue he emailed me a couple of songs. To me, they don't just seem to be any songs, but handpicked for the lyrics - I wonder whether this is his way of telling me how he really feels. Anyway, he is under a lot of stress at the moment - he has doctor exams coming up, so I suggested we met up for a few hours to take the pressure off and to give himself a break. Initially, he said he'd have to let me know. Anyway, with the songs he sent, he said that he wondered whether I'd go watch the sunset with him.... Again, would you just ask a friend to do this. Anyway, I went along and we talked and talked, but nothing was said and no advances were made from him. He later texted me to say that he'd had a great time and it was wonderful to have seen me again. Unbeknown to me, he also emailed my friend at work to say we'd met up, how much of a wonderful person he perceives me to be and said he found it strange that I didn't mention my ex-boyfriend and how he hoped I wasn't putting all of my eggs into one basket. I haven't said too much about my ex, as I didn't want him to think I came with emotional baggage. I am wondering whether he thinks we're still together. Anyway, I had this week off work, so thought I'd take the bull by the horns and see whether he'd like to meet for a drink or catch a film. He said he would really like to meet up with me, but his exams are in a few weeks time and he had to be strong and firm with himself and knuckle down and hoped I understood why he couldn't meet. I am just so confused. Does he like me or am I just reading too much into everything. My head is just dizzy with all this and needed to share. Sorry that it is to long.

Posted on 28 March 2006 @ 23:6 (London time) - permalink
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Hello kittykat,.....i can understand why you are some what confused,but iv got a hunch that he does like you,he enjoys your company and i also think that because he is so shy,he hasn't made a real pass at you.When you two talk.....do you look deeply into each other's eyes?...eye contact is the biggest give away in whether a person is sexually attracted to you and i take it that you want a relationship with him? Well,if this was me....i would go out and have a drink with him but this time let the conversation move on to you two as a couple,in other words,ask him how he really feels about you? Yes,i know it sounds nerve racking but at the moment you are pulling your hair out,not knowing on where you stand....I think it will have to be you to make the 1st move,if you dont do it....then you will never know.Let me know how you get on. Good luck.

Posted on 28 March 2006 @ 23:27 (London time) - permalink
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Dear, I am dizzy just reading this story...I can see how this guy has you going in circles! lol I honestly believe when a man wants a woman he will do anything...I mean anything...to be with her. Even the most shyest, most bashful guys will find any reason to be with you. Amazing how inventive men can be. This guy isn't doing that. Just ask him. This will save you a lot of time or you can back away for awhile and see what happens. But to me he's so darned wishy washy, (red flag??) he doesn't seem ready for a substantial relationship. He's unsure of himself and over the long run...do you want a guy who has uncertainties about relationships?

Posted on 28 March 2006 @ 23:50 (London time) - permalink
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Shania and I agree, Kittycat....ASK HIM! lol Don't worry about his answer. If it's a no, then you move on- you'll be a little bit 'battle-weary' :) but likely relieved because you know where you stand. If he says yes, then go for it, girl but proceed..slooowly. I still have concerns about his uncertain behaviours. Good luck, dear.

Posted on 28 March 2006 @ 23:57 (London time) - permalink
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What do you mean "uncertain behaviours?" Didn't quite understand this.

Posted on 29 March 2006 @ 0:9 (London time) - permalink
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Irish 49 is right and we both agree that you should ask him out.....strike while the irons hot.I think what irish49 is saying that he has uncertain behaviour issues that need to be addressed....in other words,for a man of 29 yrs of age it does seem weird that he hasn't asked you out properly on a date not just as friends....i might be wrong....if i am then my friend irish49 might be able to explain a bit better.

Posted on 29 March 2006 @ 0:25 (London time) - permalink
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Yes, Shania is right. It is odd he hasn't asked you out yet. I think he has 'committment' issues, KittyKat. The distinct behaviour I am talking about is his 'hedging'. Like I said, when a man wants a woman, he will let her know...he wants her! You two seem to be dancing around each other for some time now. This guy is not doing 'anything'??. He's one confused guy..so you can do one of two things here. You can give him some space and expect nothing from him, for now. Allow him some space so he can go and think about you, about his life and what he wants....or...be brave and give yourself permission to let him know you want to take situation, further. You must be willing to risk if you want to potentially love. If you have fears about being open with him, then that stops the risks from taking place. So if you want to know "why" he's moving so slow-just ask him. How he answers you will be a good way for you to use your 'head' and discern whether he's being sincere and or just 'leading you on'..playing with you, so to speak. But hun, to be blunt, and at least from my standpoint, it's pretty clear that he's not serious about a relationship or he would've really moved quicker on this. He's experiencing self-doubts and uncertainties about what he really wants. Don't expect much from him right now, KittyKat. Get out there and date others..good luck, hun

Posted on 29 March 2006 @ 1:18 (London time) - permalink
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Hi - I wouldn't say he had commitment issues - he is about to sit the biggest and most important exams in his life. I do know that he is painfully shy. The thing is, I think he may have left me know that he wants me in his own way through the lyrics in those songs. He is Canadian and he just emailed me two songs, with very appropriate meanings. The songs were hardly picked from the Top 40. The thing is, I do want to be with him. I think we'd make a fantastic couple, but I am so scared of making a fool of myself and losing his friendship in the process by overstepping the boundary.

Posted on 29 March 2006 @ 15:40 (London time) - permalink
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thought I'd post lyrics to song he sent: I met this girl She's walking through one of my dreams She kissed my eyes And everything that she said Made so much sense to me That I still feel like I'm half asleep My dark angel She gave me diamonds for eyes She walked by Now I'm hypnotised By this dream That just won't stop And I feel Like I've always been lost in this dream The rumours of heaven Only speed the truth on earth My dark angel Shine your light on my curse You are the other that I have to find Until I do I guess I'll see you 'round my mind So Colorado Is a place I have to go I heard a rumour She loves the mountains and the snow My dark angel She gave me diamonds for eyes My dark angel I offer you my heart My dark angel I think I loved you from the start 'Cause there is this face I know That I've never seen Sometimes I feel I'm living in Someone else's dream Still I'd like to thank you For stopping to talk And I wonder Just into who's dream did who walk Oh my dark angel Shine your light on me Shine your light Shine your light Shine your light on me

Posted on 29 March 2006 @ 18:21 (London time) - permalink
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I will add my comments to this when I find my glasses and fill them with red wine!! Lyrics are lovely!!

Posted on 29 March 2006 @ 23:8 (London time) - permalink
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Sounds like he really does like you and if it was not for the real pressure he is under right now then he would be taking you out etc. If I was you I would give him the space and just drop the odd e-mail or text asking how the exams are going and how is life treating him, nothing heavy just remind him you are there. He has gone to a lot of trouble sending songs etc and that was not done for no good reason. dont give up!

Posted on 1 April 2006 @ 10:0 (London time) - permalink
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Well, he has told me he thinks I am beautiful and if he were heterosexual than we'd be together, but he isn't. Can't believe it. Am gutted. I had really fallen for him. I can't believe i misread the love songs/sunset thing for more than friendship. I feel so silly, naive even. He said he had to tell me before I began to believe something that wasn't true. Just my luck. Thought he was too good to be true :(

Posted on 2 April 2006 @ 1:40 (London time) - permalink
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Oh dear, well look at it this way he will make a fantastic best friend who will never get off with your mates, and he is sincere which in friends that is a needed quality. You wont be the first or the last woman to fall for a bloke that is just not interested in them for anything other than friendship.

Posted on 2 April 2006 @ 9:14 (London time) - permalink
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Well I am just honoured that he felt able to tell me. He is such a wonderful friend anyway, so perhaps a relationship may have spoilt everything... Cried myself to sleep the first night I heard. Feel like I am grieving as well. I think I was totally smitten with the guy. Still, I guess I know I have a wonderful friend.

Posted on 2 April 2006 @ 14:43 (London time) - permalink
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He will be a loyal friend for life, but that does not help when you fancy some one so much and feel a real connection, still not a lot you can do about his sexuality.

Posted on 3 April 2006 @ 8:43 (London time) - permalink
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