So upset.

Before I met my boyfriend, he found out his wife had been seeing other men behind his back for some 4 years which devastated him. Twelve months later, we met and started going out. Seven months into our relationship his wife wanted him back, because she had fallen out with the guy she left him for, it was then my turn to be devastated, he said “I just want to be part of a family again” but, he didn’t know who to choose, as I didn’t want to take part in his competition on who he should stay with, I told him to go back to her. I must have hit a nerve because he said he wanted to be with me. Ever since then I feel second best, she rings him crying down the phone when she has had a tiff with her fella, she text’s him and always adds kisses at the end, he used to take her shopping even though she was with this other guy, if she needs a lift in his car, he takes her, even though her fella has a car, this is getting me down. As they haven’t been together now for 4 and half years, I suggested he divorced her, his answer was “we are divorced, we haven’t been together for ages”, but that wasn’t the point I was trying to make. I get the feeling he still has feelings for her, even though she wrecked his life. I’ve tried to explain how I feel and he said he will divorce her, but that was six months ago. I don’t know what to do; I don’t want to keep feeling like this, am I wrong to feel the way I do? Please help.

Posted on 6 April 2006 @ 11:24 (London time) - permalink
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She didnt want him then she does? She only wants him when he is with somebody else? You are in a position here that you cannot get out of without showing a lot of courage and strenght. You are what I would call the *transition* girl, the rebound girl. Do you get my meaning. And until he severs all ties with his ex you are never going to completely have him. You see, when she went off and left him he ahd a lot of unfinished business with her. He didnt want the relationship to end and therefore probably never completely got over it - no matter how much lip service he pays to it. He has some sort of *guilt * thing going on as well. WHO to go with, WHO to turn to. If you want to keep this bloke you need to offer him an ultimatum. A real HER OR ME THING. but YOU NEED TO STICK WITH THE DECISION YOU MAKE AT THE BEGINNING. iF YOU DECIDE TO DUMP HIM BECAUSE HE WONT STOP BEING IN CONTACT WITH HER YOU MUST DO IT. aND WALK AWAY WITH YOUR SANITY. sorry hit the caps lock and cant be bothered typing that bit again.xxxxx

Posted on 6 April 2006 @ 11:48 (London time) - permalink
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Hi willi Your answer is so true it is me or her and i've set the ball rolling now, I've text him and said "divorce her or we are finished", i can't take it any longer, i rebuilt his life for him and he's just taking the piss now, he's even picking her up in about half an hour, it's not going to drive me mad any more.

Posted on 6 April 2006 @ 12:52 (London time) - permalink
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We've been together now for 2 and a half years and i've put up with it but not anymore.

Posted on 6 April 2006 @ 12:56 (London time) - permalink
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JustBlonde..so sorry you are enduring this pain. No woman should have to deal with that but it happens all the time. While I understand he has been hurt and has baggage, we have all been hurt. But there comes a time we stop nursing our wounds and risk everything again. He neds to do this. Willy is right. An ultimatum must be put in place. It's got to become an either/or situation. And be prepared to follow through. Get your guy to end the contact, once and for all. Hopefully, his devotion and love for you will motivate him. If he does end it, proceed on and still put some reasonable boundaries in place. Make no apologies and see that you and he are clear on the game-plan in regards to the ex-wife, in the future. If he doesn't end it, you will know you never had his heart, anyways. Sad but true. Sigh. I wish you well, dear.

Posted on 6 April 2006 @ 18:55 (London time) - permalink
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