| Jwd91, posted
over a year ago
My girlfriend and i have been dating for almost 11 months now. We are both 18 and i know that we are truly in love...i have never felt this way with anyone else.
But there is a constant shadow over my head and I'm not for sure what to do with it. Before she dated me she had 3 other serious relationships that lasted more then 7 months...the previous one ended with her cheating on him at a party. She also started smoking weed and got into the whole party atmosphere.
A week after all of this happened she met me at a mutual friends house and we hit it off great...i did not know about her past at that time. Everything was going great for the first two weeks but then we ran into problems with the ex which i knew was going to happen but i cared about her so much that i let her get over it. At one point she wanted him back because i was going through a lot at home and was down a lot so she wanted him back in her life. Well we worked through that. And a lot changed after that she quit smoking weed and i went to every party with her. I did not really trust her because of her past. But as time went on i we got closer and closer...we spent everyday together and on the weekends spent every night together. During the previous summer we basically lived together. We fought quite a bit but thats just because were always together.
During the summer i had to work so i couldn't always stay out late with her. One night she hung out with some friends who are into drugs...she swore she wouldn't do anything...but i soon found out later she had smoked weed again and lied to me about it. I was about to break up with her but we worked our problem out and we were happy once again.
Then we started college she lived on campus and i am going to a tech school so i drive everyday. The colleges are close so i still spend a lot of time with her. She always hangs out with people and is afraid to tell me...but at the same time every time she hangs out with someone I'm afraid she is going to do something stupid. So i stress all the time, i have talked to her multiple times about this and it never seems to fix it(we always seem to get into a fight). I call and text constantly and worry. I know its not healthy and i really need to fix it but i cant seem to. With her past it really scares me because i really am in love with her and i just want us to work. She has been really amazing lately. But no matter what i still worry she is going to cheat on me or lie to me based on her pasted. I don't how to deal with these feelings. I have thought about seeking help. I just want to be happy and be able to trust her and not have to worry about her doing something stupid. Also every time we go out to a party i look down on her for drinking...and i can't help i try not to care but it gets even worse. Sorry for jumping around so much but it always on my mind in pieces.
Posted on 17 February 2010 @ 6:7 (London time) - permalink
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