I keep taking his crap--help!

macmi, posted over a year ago

I have been dating a 28 yr old guy for over a year. I am 39, recently divorced with 2 kids. We see each other alot, get along well and have lots of passion, but he's made it very clear that he wants NO future with me. He wants to meet someone his age, get married and have kids. I've fallen in love, but doesn't feel the same way. I am constantly getting hurt cause he never takes me to any event where he could meet Mrs. Right. He would never introduce me to his parents, doesn't call me his girlfriend, and makes jokes that hurt my feeling alot. How the hell can I just break it off? Me and all my friends know I should. I know I'll be lonely all alone, but please tell me I need to do this! be straight with me!

Posted on 13 July 2006 @ 0:11 (London time) - permalink
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Bombshell, posted over a year ago

First of all, dating a 28 year old boy was your first mistake. Believe me. My boyfriend is almost 50 and hasn't grown up yet. You and I are the same age so I think I understand what you're wanting for yourself. I too want someone that will love and cherish me. But if this guy has already made it clear that this is not his intention, then you definitely need to move on and start working on your own self-esteem in order to attract the "Right" kind of men into your life.

Maybe you, like myself, are hooked on the "Passion", or great sex? Women tend to get mixed up when it comes to sex. When there's passion and great sex, we feel love and attatchment, where men just do it.

In one sense you're lucky. Most men BS and string women along just to get what they want (sex) for as long as they can get away with it, but this guy is being honest by telling you that his intentions aren't to marry you or even have a committed relationship with you.

He's basically he's using you to fill his needs. Don't give in anymore. You need to get a grip, gain some self-worth and take some time to discover all the wonderful qualities that makes it so you deserve to have a great guy in your life that will treat you as you deserve and wants what you want.

It's taken me a long time, but I can finally say that I DESERVE to be loved the way I want to be loved. I DESERVE to be treated like a queen. I am an amazing catch and any guy would be so damn lucky to have me. Seriously. NOw I have two men begging me to marry them. But that's a whole other story.

Try this. Fake it 'til you make it. I know it sounds stupid, but try it. Tell this guy straight out that you deserve to be loved and cherished, not used. Tell him that he would be lucky to have someone like you, but that he isn't smart enough to see the forest for the trees. Tell him one day he may grow up and end up realizing that he's made a big mistake and lost someone amazing.

Be strong, don't get mushy and cry, then let him go. He may just end up coming back after a while, but then he may not. And that's okay. With no possible future with him, you have nothing to lose.

Don't give up your dignity.

Posted on 13 July 2006 @ 20:51 (London time) - permalink
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macmi, posted over a year ago

Thank you. I need to hear that. Yes, I will never date another young guy!! and yes, the sex is what makes me feel like we're in love, when, in fact, its just sex to him. Before I got divorced I was treated like a queen, so why the hell I am lowering myself to him now?

I still deserve to be treated like a queen, not like a "good enough for now girl" who he calls when he's bored. He will do it for as long as I take it. And it is a matter of raising my self-esteem. And I need to do it now while I still have my dignity. You are right, thanks again.

Posted on 13 July 2006 @ 21:8 (London time) - permalink
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xxcat, posted over a year ago

i no its always easy to help others and give out the advice, i would of said hang in there for a while but as u say its been over a year now and hes still treatin u the same, he could just be usin u hun for the s--, he might not but i would get rid of him. I dont want to be loney either hun so i can understand x

Posted on 30 August 2006 @ 9:37 (London time) - permalink
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