Been 10yrs - but don't fancy eachother anymore

ellie27, posted over a year ago

Me and by boyfriend are both 25 and have been together since we were 15.

Problem is is that in the past year or more

I have been obsessing about his imperfections -

which never bothered me before. Now I really don't like the thought of having sex with him. I don't know why this has happened.

I can't tell whether it was becuase I had a low sex drive, or if we've just been going out

too long- or if I just didn't fancy him. I know that now I no longer do fancy him.

I'm not attracted to anyone else and if we were to split up I think I would just stay single.

In fact, I'd be happy just going along in this relationship, not having sex and just being

friends - but that is not going to happen as I am really hurting my boyfriend by rejecting

his advances. Naturally, he says he lacks confidence and he just wanst some one who will grab him and tell him he'd sexy etc. which I cannot do. We no longer show eachother affection anymore either.

Now with the talk of splitting up I just want to give him a big hug and tell him I love him,

and am thinking of just having sex again. But I know this won't solve the problem as I've

done this hundreds of times.

I know it may be easy to just tell us to split up but we are best friends and would really

miss eachother. We can still go out for the night just the two of us and still have a

great time. In fact we do that about twice a week. The thought of a life without him scares

me. But we can't go on like this any longer.

I'm not really sure what kind of advice I'm asking for here as my thoughts are so muddled.

But any kind of advice or opinion is welcomed. I just really needed to talk this over, and

cannot with a friend.

Posted on 16 May 2006 @ 12:1 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

REPLY TO MESSAGE or Start a new topic

anasa, posted over a year ago

im havin the exact same problem with my boyfriend - altho its alot more complicated than yours! i met him when i was 13 and im 25 now - we were toghether for 2years but he was very unaffectionate i loved him with all my heart and thought that we would get married eventually we split up over a joke - i wasnt bothered i just moved on and met someone else a few weeks later - and then the other guy came back saying how much he loved me but i couldnt just end things with my new guy so for a year i stayed faithful and then things went wrong with the new guy as deep down i was in love with my ex still so i started seeing my ex behing my boyfriends back but then my ex met a girl but we both carried on seeing each other aswell as our partners - i was with my partner for 4years and then we split - we are still good friends but by this time the ex was still with his girlfriend and didnt want to leave her so we carried on with the arrangment - thing is my ex is very unaffectionate and nasty - always bullying me and putting me down - this carried on for years and i became depressed - i met someone else but didnt tell me ex and he now classes this as trust issues and i lied to him and did things behind his back - but we always make up and can be happy when we want - but cos of the trust issues theres always an arguement no matter where i say im going - anyway last year my ex said he loves me and wants me back but i was too scared of commitment and being stuck with someone that dont let me out and is violent - ive read relationship books and all sorts but cant make up my mind to leave or stay - i had the same sex problems with my ex as you did with ur boyfriend when we had a trial get back together and i dreaded going to his and having to have sex and thought it was all over for me - but our sex life is back up now even tho we argue and have serious trust issues problems - my advise is that you obviously care about your partner and there is no one else in the pic for you so souds to me like your relations is too good to leave - i read this book by called to bad to stay or too good to leave - i think this would really help you - i got it from whsmiths for £15 - because there seems to be no violence or trust issues with you and your partner i think the book will help you figure out what is wrong and if you can improve it - dont give up yet - you still seem very happy and its just a sex problem that you could work out

Posted on 28 May 2006 @ 17:17 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

REPLY TO MESSAGE or Start a new topic

Add a new message to this topic