| colinsdad, posted
over a year ago
My wife and I were married three years ago....as time has gone on, our marriage just got weirder and weirder, and I finally asked for a Divorce last month. For quite sometime, however, my Wife maintained that she wanted to work on on our marriage...I'll let you decide whether or not this was an honest request or not.
First, let me preface this with some background- I'm 34 and my wife is 31. I have a 14 year old son I recently gained full custody of this year; This is the first marriage for both of us.
We started having in-law issues pretty much right after we became married; mostly her issue(s) with my mother and my sister, who she felt weren't accepting her as they should. We went to counseling, and things started to go OK for awhile. We then hit a rough stretch two years ago where I was laid off from my job and we lost our house;I decided on a career change and joined the Air Force Reserves in 2005 to gain some experience as a Jet Mechanic (we lived in between three major airports and an Air Force base) as jobs in that field are plentiful. While I was away on active duty last year, things at home (I thought) were just fine; my wife and I communicated regularly, and there was much optimism for our future togther. However, when I returned home, things were in COMPLETE chaos!!
I was notified by my wife that there was an "incident" that transpired while I was away (this was told to me a week before the end of my Military Tour) and that a neighbor of mine was caught in our Apartment trying to assault my wife....twice. Here's where the "weird" part begins as mentioned above. NO CHARGES were filed against this gentleman, as my Wife didn't want to "ruin his life" by having him charged. While I was still trying to digest THAT tidbit, she informed me that she has registered to return to school nights and would be starting in a few weeks. While we had talked about this, she hadn't given any indication of a timeline or how we would pay for this. I then found out that almost none of our bills had been paid while I was gone, and that we had two lawsuits pending against us for non-payment. I managed to contact the creditors in question to make payment arrangments (that were steep!) and my wife made arrangements to have her folks pay for tuition. While I thought we were finally moving forward, things took another detour.
My wife began classes and was still trying to get in her "gym time" as per her usual regimen every night. She would come home looking frazzled every night, and I asked her to slow the pace down a little. Instead of doing that, her time away from me began to increase- I then realized that she was doing quite a bit of partying with some of her classmates. On a few occasions, she was coming home at 1 or 2am on weeknights! I was suspicious, and did something I regret now(I HATE being sneaky)- I checked her cell phone. I found a guys name on there almost every night(along with a number of women, too). When I asked her about it, she said that he (and the other names) were friends of hers from school, and that I was making a big deal out of things. I asked her to stop going out nights and to return home at a reasonable hour; she agreed but kept to the same schedule. She graduated from school this past January with her certificate, but her hours stayed the same. We bickered and fought about her time away from the apartment; we talked about counseling, but she ultimately refused to go. We finally separated in July after she packed some of her belongings and just left saying that "we need some time apart".
I was devastated after her departure, and our conversations dwindled to almost none, and I was finding contacting her impossible for almost a month. In distress, I contacted her parents, and her Father told me the following- "I don't know what happened to you guys....you have had some tough times, and then I guess you guys separated. I understand that she has a boyfriend...I'm really sorry." I was absolutley dumbfounded at that statement! When I finally got through to her, I had also found that our Bank Account balance was zero as well, and I asked for a divorce.
To this day (this all happened this September), she is very defensive and angry when I suggest that she was having an affair and says that her father "made up" that she was seeing someone. I am still paying on my own for all of our bills (we have a joint consolidation loan) and I have yet to see a dime from her in almost five months. Through all this, she INSISTS that she wanted to work on our marriage, and just needed the time away and that I really "jumped the gun" in asking for a divorce.
At this point, I'm still feeling like she had been having affairs for awhile and didn't like the thought of being a stepmom (even though she swore she supported my Custody of my son) and just was looking for an out. There is much, much more I haven't listed here but I'm not trying to write a novel. I'm thinking I'm justified in asking for a divorce, but she feels I have no evidence to prove/disprove anything....who's right here?
Posted on 28 October 2007 @ 13:15 (London time) - permalink
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