 Nikki866, posted
over a year ago
We broke up last night.
I didn't see it coming. I did, but I didn't. He came home from work around 7:30 (this being Saturday evening) and said to me with no notice, "You're not going to like what i have to say, but I really HAVE to paint the condo (his villa that he wants to put on the market) tonight. I have been putting it off, and I work 12 hours a day 6 days a week, and my only nights off, my only sundays off, are always spent consumed by you and with you partying and nothing is getting done at that condo."
I felt badly because here it was almost 8:00 on a Saturday night and he hadn't called ALL DAY to give me an indication of not being with me on Sat night but that was okay, I agreed he should go and work on it. Then I said, "are you going to do it tomorrow too?" and he said "probably should...."
So I felt very disappointed but tried to hide it because I didn't want to rock the boat or come off as being demanding of his time, since that was a bit of his resentment, I felt.
So he said, "I'm sorry if I ruined your weekend... you can come by and hang with me while I paint...." and I said no, because i didn't get the feeling he really wanted me to go or hang with him. I felt he wanted to be alone. So I declined and he said, 'are you going to go out? because i can't stop you but if you go you will probably get hit on...' and i said, "no, i'll stay home, i don't want to go out without you. maybe i'll drop over later to say hey." and he said all right. (I wanted to make him feel that the one night he is going to paint and leave me here, I wouldn't be rushing out to a bar to pick up someone, you know? I wanted to be reassuring.
So then I said, 'are you coming home to sleep tonight?' I ask this because he has a bed there. He said "yeah i'm coming home when i'm doing working there tonight but i don't know what time it'll be, and i can't call you, because i don't have a cell phone anymore." Then he proceeded to put on his paint jeans, his rattiest white hanes undershirt, (he always wears these old holey shirts for painting) and his paint-splattered work boots.
(remember, when he quit the other dealership last Friday, he had to turn in the corporate cell phone he had back to them. He hadn't replaced it.... said he wasn't going to get another cell phone since i was the only person who called him anyhow and we lived together so he didn't want to spend the money on one...
So he leaves on his motorcycle.
About an hour later, I'm missing him. I'm bored. I spend every day here alone. i look forward to seeing him. he is the light of my life and he's working 1 mile away. and after all, he did say if i get bored to stop in....
so I go over to his place.
I knock on the door.
No answer.
I turn the knob.
I open it and step inside. As you step inside the condo, it's a 2-story and you look straight up 12 steps to the 2nd floor. I see Joe standing at the foot of the landing at the top, talking on a cell phone.
his cell phone.
I hear him say pretty fast, "I'll talk to you later" and hang up.
Before I can say anything, he says, "That was Joey" (his 25 yr old son)
I ignore that. My heart has sunk as the realization hits me that he was talking on a cell phone. One he told me he didn't have. One that, looking back, he must have had for awhile, and kept hidden in my camry since he was driving my car to and from work....
I say, "You have a cell phone?" I look puzzled and confused, and very sad.
He looks away and says, "I just got it today."
I look at him. He is wearing a red polo shirt.
He didn't leave the house wearing that.
he had on an old tee.
I say, why did you change your shirt?
he says, "this is an old shirt from the dealership. i didn't want to get paint on my other shirt."
I am reeling in my head between the shirt thing and the cell phone. I'm at a loss for words.... the shirt change didn't seem important at that moment, even when i realized that he had TUCKED IT IN. (he only tucks in his shirts when he's going out)
I said, you lied to me. you told me that you couldn't call me tonight when you were done painting because you didn't have a cell phone.
He said, eyes averted, "I was going to call you."
I looked at him and said, very sadly, "Well, this is it. I've had enough."
He looks at me and says, "I understand. I'm sorry."
I turn around, walk down the stairs. He calls after me, "are you driving my car or yours?" I ignore him. He asks again. I answer, "my own car" and with that, i left. I shut the door behind me, start my car, and leave.
5 minutes later my cell phone rings as i'm driving.
I am crying. I say "Hello?" He says, "Hey, guess what -" and that's all he could say, because I hung up on him.
He calls back. says 'don't hang up on me... can you meet me at the house so I can get my stuff? Can I get into your house to get my things or can you meet me there?" I say i cannot believe how heartless and matter of fact you are. he says, "What do you want me to do?" and I yell as loud as I can, "I WANT YOU TO FIND THE LONGEST, HEAVIEST, FATTEST POLE MADE AND SHOVE IT AS FAR UP AS IT WILL GO" and I hang up crying.
he calls back. Asks me to please meet him at the house.
I tell him fine. He has moved out on me 3x now in 6 months citing commitment reasons, doesn't know what he wants, but it is nobody else. it's just about him. no other women. This is a 45 yr old man.
Jesus. I meet him at the house and slam my car door. I'm beyond talking. I'm crying in fits of sobs and for the first time i am actually helping him move by tearing his things out of the closet, carrying his clothes to his car trunk, etc. He says, babe you don't have to do that... come on..... and I am crying saying how can you just come here again and leave me again.... you never loved me. he said paula, you need to find a guy with kids. a guy who will give you what you deserve.... and i said, "Do you really want me to find someone else????" and he said, "NO" I asked again. He said no again. Then I cried in the bathroom and was hysterical and he hated that I was like that, and he said paula i will call you tomorrow, please just calm down and we'll talk. i was destroyed. He was making his way to the front door saying, "please, don't yell and act like this; I don't want the cops to come." And then he said, "let me get home. give me 20 minutes to empty the trunk out...and i'll call you. maybe we can talk and meet for a drink tonight."
I am just crying. He leaves.
I don't wait here for his call. I leave too. I go out, and he doesn't call me until 2 hours later. He says, "I just called to tell you how sorry i am. I'm about 50 miles out of town on my motorcycle and just wanted to stop quick an tell you I feel terrible about all of this." I said, "well I went out." He said, (a little sarcastic) "I figured you would." I said, well i knew you wouldn't call me and I wasn't going to sit home waiting on you anymore." And he said well I just wanted to say sorry. I said is that all you have to say? and he said yes just that i feel awful. I said why wouldn't you just come out and tell me you didn't want to be with me anymore? I HAD JUST ASKED HIM 2 NIGHTS AGO IF HE WANTED TO MOVE OUT BECAUSE HE WAS ACTING CONFUSED AND MORE DISTANT AND HE TOLD ME NO. I SAID ARE YOU GOING TO STAY OR LEAVE, AND HE SAID, WELL I'M SITTING HERE AREN'T I. I said why wouldn't you be straight with me? Why did you lie about the phone? He said, "I just didn't feel like being bugged by you tonight."
It was like I was stabbed in the chest when I heard that.
I cried more and yelled and told him i had never been treated so callously or lied to by someone like he had done to me. and that I was very insulted and hurt because I have done nothing but been a GREAT girlfriend to him for a year.
I have listened to his ex-wife problems when he was "confused" about her. I dealt with him complaining about his job. I listened to his commitmentphobia and accepted all of his excuses. I never cheated on him. I stocked the fridge with beer for God's sakes.
I loved him better than I loved myself. and i suppose that was my downfall.
So I said to him, "Well you don't have to worry about me BUGGING you anymore because we're through!" and he said to me, "Paula, we can still be friends! We can still go to play poker and maybe hang out." Then he said to me, "Maybe we'll be okay a year from now"
I was just so distraught you don't even know.
And last night he hung up on me when he had called to apologize at midnight, because i couldn't calm down and was sobbing and yelling.
I called him back and got his voice mail immediately. He had shut his phone off.
I left him a message basically just saying "I loved you Joe, and I don't understand why you had to lie about having a phone... we live together. I should have been the first person to have that number but now i know you don't want me in your life and i won't bother you anymore. i'm sorry for everything but you were my best friend and i didn't deserve this... i always gave you my best and you don't do this to a friend." and i was crying and hung up.
this morning i called and hung up (it rang once)
this evening (7 hrs later) I did it again.
he hasn't called me.
I wonder if he will ever call me again. He has, in the past, always called feeling terribly guilty for hurting me. He has done this kind of thing before to me. But last night; to find out he didn't want me to call him to the extent of not giving me the phone #..... of not letting me know he had the phone..... that mixed with the fact that he was wearing a nice shirt and was TALKING TO SOMEONE on the phone just breaks my heart.
And if I had not walked in and saw it with my own two eyes, he would have come home and not broken up with me. I think he wanted to let me be the bad guy. I said to him, "I don't know how you can be so heartless and feel so indifferent about me" and he said "i don't."
but actions speak louder than words.
I'll try not to call him anymore, but i wonder if i will get over him and then he will go and call me.... citing he wants to be friends... i'm wondering if he's not calling right now because he wants to let me cool off and be able to talk rationally, or if he is never going to contact me again.
I'm just so lost. you know the old adage, you don't know what you got til it's gone? He always told me every time he left me in the past he would miss me too much and come back. but this time, i don't know.
Posted on 16 April 2007 @ 0:49 (London time) - permalink
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Alemuh, posted
over a year ago