help

So my boyfriend Mike and I have been dating for 9 months. We are/were very serious. We have been living together for 8 1/2 of those months. We met in April and things were fine until November. Im going to school in wyoming and he was up working in North Dakota. He came home one weekend and I was being nosey and saw a unfamiliar name on his phone. I asked him about it and he told me it was a guy he worked with and he talked to Bobby and his wife a lot, they have been friends for a long time. I never thought about it again. He got layed off from nodak and came back down to wyoming. I was looking for something in his email and i found emails to this women who is "Rickels" wife. I can't remember what they said but they were flirting back and fourth and "It's to the point I have to hear your voice everyday" and you get the picture. I confronted mike and he told me that they are just good friends and he didn't consider it flirting and what not and we fought and he had everything packed up. he said he still loved me and she new about me and nothing was going to be the same between me and him because I would never trust him. We worked some things out and the condition was for him to email her and tell her he never wanted to talk to her again and it wsn't good for his relationship and ours. The day after he send that she wrote one back saying "what girlfriend? you better be joking, im still up for coffee if you ever come down to colorado." After another fight or two things were better and i was slowly trusting him. I know i was being an annoying girlfriend who asked who called everytime his phone would ring and he was say its a bill collector. Then two weeks ago out of the blue we were in the kitchen and his phone went off with a text message. I opened it and it was her and asking him what he was up to. I asked him and he said that was the first time she has tried talking to him and he didn't know why she texted. So i made him text her again and one again he told her he ddint' want to talk to her. So after that i was very suspicious. I went onto his phone bill and saw that he has been talking to her. i confronted him last night and this is how it went. He said she called after the first message about not talking to him putting up a * * * * * fit and so for the past few months he has been talking to her. He told me that they are just good friends and he gets advise from her on me and his relationship and what not. He says it was killing him lying to me. He says he loves me and he only wants me and if he wanted her he could of had her fifteen years ago and what not. He says he will not talk to her again. But how can i trust him? he can easily delete his texts and emails. If he says he isn't going to talk to her, why didn't he stop the first time and jepordize our relationship. Why does he go to the root of our troubles for advise? I just don't get it.

Posted on 25 January 2010 @ 21:25 (London time) - permalink
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Your problem is you moved in with him two weeks after you met him. You didn't know him. Next guy you hook up with get to know before you guys move in together.

Posted on 25 January 2010 @ 22:16 (London time) - permalink
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Annoying female friends seem to be the topic of choice on this site at the moment. I believe this is very one sided with her doing all the chasing and making as many snidy comments as she can to try to create a wedge between you and Mike. The only way this woman is going to stop is if Mike chooses not to respond to her. He is going to have to make this decision himself and no amount of you begging , pleading or forcing him into it is going to work. I have been down this road and the more you force the man into a corner and box him in the more he is going to continue doing what you don't like. My husband has a female friend who he has known as long as me.She is a nice looking girl, younger than me and I know her because we worked together for a few years. This lady calls my husband all the time to ask for boyfriend advice, diy help, a chat, the list is endless. She does not care that it is excessive and does not think that I might not like it. I explained to my husband that it is getting on my nerves and he just laughs and says basically that I am being silly. Now I have tried every trick in the book on this but he won't give her up as a friend. I have even used the her or me scenario but it didn't work. He classes it as censorship. In reality he just doesn't want to stop talking to her because he enjoys the attention and the flirtatiousness.

Posted on 26 January 2010 @ 14:58 (London time) - permalink
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