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Dear Cupid > Forums > Breakups > We are getting back together...

We are getting back together...

Dumbmale, posted over a year ago

long story short...me and girlfriend break up. her decision. she feels like relationship got stale. we argued alot toward the end. she just wasnt happy. With hindsight, I agree. it did get very stale, i felt it too at the time, and I wasnt happy either.

we didnt talk for a whole month and both slept with other people.

i ring a month later to say i want to get my stuff, she says she is so glad i called and cud she make me dinner. ok.

we have a very romantic, emotional, loving weekend. and the same for the following weekend (its only been two weeks now- we r both too busy to see each other during the week, but spend each night talking lots).

we were talking last night about where this is going...she says she doesnt want to rush into another relationship with me. why i ask?

she is unsure about how she feels towards me, but wants to fight for it....give it ago... but certainly doesnt want to rush this or get right back into a relationship. is she just using me?

she says i broke her heart as things didnt work out between us, when only months before she was telling her best friend how she wanted to be with me forever (i am not suppose to know this). she says she is afraid it just wont work out again...im afraid she just doesnt love me enough??

like all men, i question why she just doesnt want to give it a proper go, right now. so i ask you women out there what you think?

after our last special weekend, she tells me how she "loves being in my company and being physically and emotionally connected with me". today she text me to say she "cant stop thinking of me". and her facebook status says how "amazing her weekend was".

But i am confused, as last night she also said she just doesnt know how she feels for me, she just doesnt know and cannot Guarantee that we will get back together, but their is a chance she says (i feel like im clutching at straws).

I ask her if she really wants to walk the same path as me....give this ago...fight for it...she says YES...but her only concern is that she does not want to rush it.

does she not want to rush it...or is she waiting for something better i ask myself??

ladies tell me your thoughts please, as im seriously thinking of breaking all this off before i get really hurt.

on the other hand, nothing ventured nothing gained...im trying to be cool about all this, support her, and just have fun with her, make each weekend amazing, like im not too concerned.

half of me says dont do it, the other half says, connect with her emotionally, sweep her off her feet each weekend, make each weekend count, romance, the lot. if i make her very happy (like i seem to be doing) then can this lead to more, or shall i just quit!?

Posted on 1 December 2009 @ 17:34 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Your penultimate paragraph describes how I would handle it.

Enjoy the meals, but don't get too attached, remain slightly detached, just in case in the next breath she dumps you. That way you won't be too upset. However, if she's a crap cook, dump her. If you argued before you'll argue again. No fun in that mate.

Posted on 1 December 2009 @ 17:43 (London time) - permalink
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Dumbmale, posted over a year ago

Cheers uncle Phill...yeah she is a crap cook...haha...but then i eat anything.

Like you say, enjoy it...and that really does seem to be the way she is going about it...enjoying it, but not getting too close, incase it goes bad again...thinking about it, purhaps this is the testing period...either i can show her that she made the worng decision and we r good together, or...if im not careful, we will argue again, and that will reinforce her decision, that she broke up for the right reasons.

time to be cool, and just enjoy. try to stay detatched (hardest part) Cheers uncle phil!

Posted on 1 December 2009 @ 17:50 (London time) - permalink
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Dumbmale, posted over a year ago

anyone else got an opinion...im keen to listen to others?

Posted on 1 December 2009 @ 19:14 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

What were the arguments about?

Posted on 1 December 2009 @ 19:16 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

dont do anything to get her that you are not willing to do to keep her. what i mean is be yourself, do fun things but if you cant do awesome every weekend and keep it up forever and then what? ive been with the same guy for 29 years and i know that there are lots of minefields out there. you should give it a try i think, but dont go ovrboard. follow her lead for a month or so and then step back and look at where it has gone. good luck and keep us posted.

Posted on 1 December 2009 @ 19:31 (London time) - permalink
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Dumbmale, posted over a year ago

looking back i was pretty self centred. arguments were about me not listening to her, me too wrapped up in what im doing. id say it was mainly because we were away from each other for 3 months with work purposes...just was not in the country to see each other. and through that arguments seem to start spontaneously, out of nothing. then we would have nothing to talk about. when we r in each others company, arguments dont even exist.

in terms of doing wonderful things at the weekends...well its not so much of being out of character...if anything i am returning to my old self...like when we first met.

the BIGGEST problem has yet to even start...that in 3 months times it is highly likely that i will have to go away again. I have offered to leave work, but she has steadfast said no to me doing that, as she knows it is what i have always wanted to do.

I would like to imagine, that much of her unwillingness to disclose her feelings for me or even to herself, has alot to do with the fact that i am going away again. that may be why she said last night, when i pushed for an answer about her feelings (i wont be pushing again)...she just said 'why cant we just keep doing what we have been at the weekends?' ' i just want to keep it simple'.

ladies, what do you think about her comments or where she is coming from? do u think she does still have feelings for me? i just feel that why should i try when it might not work.

thanks for your comments everyone. keep um comingx

Posted on 1 December 2009 @ 21:17 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

She's holding back because you are on probation. You will have to prove yourself to her; she has no way of knowing if you will revert to the old behaviors. I don't blame her; it's very difficult to break old habits and you have a lot to make up.

I know, she's likely at fault too for pushing on you when you weren't able to give her your undivided attention, but I just wanted to explain what she might be feeling. It may not be conscious testing of you, but she's wary of going back in full throttle, getting things back together with you, only to have you wander off yet again.

Think of it as a bone mending after a nasty break; you don't want to put too much strain on it and you want to be sure you are nursing it so that it heals straight.

If you're going off for a long period of time, I think she's just keeping herself from being caught in an unsatisfying and rocky LDR.

Posted on 1 December 2009 @ 21:27 (London time) - permalink
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Dumbmale, posted over a year ago

How could i have missed out perhaps the most important thing...when we broke up, she said she didnt love me anymore. Now to me, when a girl says that, it means its OVER 100%. move on!!!...so i did and quickly...much to her surprise!

when we first got in contact 2-3 weeks ago, she said ''i still love you, but not the way you want me too''.

that first weekend we met, she said she wanted for us to be able to date other people, and basically be f@@k buddies with me...which within a few days quickly turned into 'lets just be exclusive to each other'.

now she is saying things like...''i dont want to move on from you''...''im not interested in anyone else''...''id rather work hard all week so i can see you at the weekends''..."i cant wait till i next see you"...and still says "i just dont know how i feel about you yet"..."lets take it slow"..."yes there is a chance it will work out, but then it might not"...you know how it goes!

so basically, im just getting a bit head f@@ked here! as cool as im trying to be, she is messing me around!

we r exclusive to each other (I know that for sure, as she lives with my friends too), but not in a relationship?! i mean...if im honest, if this was one of my friends in my situation, id tell him to leave now...its always different when you are the one in the situation.

does she know what she is doing? is she confused? or is she playing some messed up game?

when i see her i try to read her body language...there is a lot of constant and held eye contact...but not forced eye contact...lots of touching, holding, being close both in public and private. she says all these nice things...but then still says she ''just doesnt know how she feels''?

ladies...keep your opinions coming!

Posted on 3 December 2009 @ 18:49 (London time) - permalink
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