Another affair

malamute pup, posted over a year ago

I am at a cross roads, I have just confirmed what I know in my mind that my husband is having another affair. This will be the third affair I know of, and in the very early days he had a few one inght stands. We have been together 20 years, and married 6 years ago. The affair beofre this was 8 years ago, and we lived aprt for 6 months but still saw each other, and it was a time in my life that was so awful as he did not know if he wanted to try again. I suspect he came back as I had just started to move forward and kissed a man (with some passion)good night after a night in a club with friends. He had followed me which I did not know.

This time I feel nothing, I left him a letter and asked him to pack some stuff that night and move out to give me some space and to tell our 3 adult children. We have spoken calmly and he has finished it and said he had never any intention of leaving me. He says he does not know what to do as he does not know why he does it. He does not know if we should call it a day or see if we can rebuild.He agrees whatever happens he need to see someone, as he is frightend it is something he has got from his father that very few years moves onto a younger model and leaves the current wife to marry them.

Why do I feel nothing, why have I not even cried, I am a very emotional person normally and just feel quite calm. Should I evn try again, or is he always going to do this?

Posted on 27 September 2009 @ 13:41 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

You feel nothing because deep in your heart you always knew this day was coming. You are out of tears, out of love, and out of chances. You have nothing left to give him. You have resigned yourself to your fate. It is over and nothing he says or does will change that for you. Now you calmly face your future and don't really know where you will go or what you will do.

He may get professional help, but I don't think it will change him. A person cannot change until they are ready. You cannot force them to change. He may think he wants to change, but he is just feeling the pressure of potentially losing you. If you stay and work through it, eventually he will feel that you are forcing him to change and he will start to resist it.

If you have the strength, and I think you do, your most loving act would be to leave him. Not because you want revenge, but because you must remove the pressure he feels about losing you. That pressure is a product of his fear. By leaving, you make his fear a reality. This takes away his pressure and he is then left to choose for himself whether or not he really wants to change.

In the meantime, you pick up the pieces of your life and move on. Honestly, you will be lonely without him and you will suffer. You will be out of your comfort zone and you will be afraid. But you will also be excited as new opportunities open up to you. Maybe now you will meet someone new who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.

Posted on 27 September 2009 @ 15:51 (London time) - permalink
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