| Blowfish, posted
over a year ago
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. When the incident happened (July 2006) I was at my parents place, recovering from a near fatal head injury which happened in April the same year. I had to go overseas for treatment (with her). What hurts the most is that I was unable to do much at that time, I was in bed most of the day, on medication. She works for a hotel, and I asked her how it happened and she told me. Her reason was she was feeling fat, ugly and insecure. So apparently the first guy that asked her to bend over, she did. A very lame excuse, but the damage is already done. Apparently they've been together twice, though I can't say I trust what she says now. First time in the hotel room where she works, where apparently she phoned room service to bring some beverage to the room, and he brought it, and that's how it happened. Second time it was after a private party (also at the hotel) where she was invited for a drink. She cannot control herself when she drinks. Her story is when she realized she was drunk, her supervisor asked the same guy to drop her off. She says she doesn't remember much after that, but only when she woke up the next day that she realized what had happened. She saw the guy 3 days later and asked if he used protection, and he said yes. But now I know he didn't. The following weekend she came to see me, and we made love all night. Of course I did not use protection, which is why I always assumed the child might be mine. But from the day he was born I was confused by the colour of his skin. As I said, I always asked her about it, she always said he child is mine. She even agreed to do a DNA test. Finally she did confess (three days ago) in tears. I told her to leave, she said not without the children. I threatened to take her to court and have custody of the kids. Still, looking at her, I feel sorry for her. She's not working, thus depending on me to support her and the children. How can I throw her out like this??? Even if she'll go to her mother. When I broke the news to my mum, she said she has realized that a long time ago. Again when I spoke to her family, they said the same. Guess I was the only one blinded by my love for her. Which hurts like HELL. I know I can be a father to my children even if they're not living with me, but I cannot stand the idea of them being raised by a step dad either. Especially my two little princess. I took the child to her her mum on Friday evening, hoping I can clear my head and think better when he's not around. Though I feel bad to do this, I know he's innocent, but my life has been shattered. Her mum thinks we should go our separate ways, and I can come visit my kids everyday. I told her if we do get separated I want full custody of my kids. My mum on the other hand wants me to forgive my wife, give her a second chance and accept the child as my own. I already spoke to the child's father on the phone, and he denied having anything to do with my wife, which is an expected answer. Anyways. I told my wife I'll give her a final chance, but it still hurts very bad. Now I am wondering if it's worth living like this for the same of my children. I will be seeing my psychologist this week, as I'm feeling mentally unstable. I was already being treated for anxiety attacks...now this. I am not ready to take this risk again. I am not ready to be hurt this way again. And I can never love her or look at her like I did before. It's the separation from my kids that is breaking my heart. And the fact that I'll be alone...once again. But on the other hand, maybe it's for the best.
Posted on 25 August 2008 @ 6:49 (London time) - permalink
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